


I promise you

by ElletheBell



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Crying, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: Top Gear Vietnam Special, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Character, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29795469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElletheBell/pseuds/ElletheBell
Summary: Set during the TG Vietnam special, Richard faces ramifications for not eating any food.
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/Richard Hammond
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	I promise you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DramaticNia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticNia/gifts).



> This is what I get for listening to the cure as I write😅😅 ANGSTY. But a happy ending. Hopefully you all like it.❤❤❤  
> And to my friend, DramaticNia sorry this took me a thousand years to write!😬😆😆

Richard was done with absolutely everyone. 

They had been filming in Vietnam, and one week in he was ready to snap. 

After getting ready and having the team set everything up, filming intros with their bikes, and dealing with the heat he wanted to just rest. Not to mention eat something normal. 

He was tired, hot, hungry, and now also pissed at the fact that James and Jeremy thought it would be fun to have an all out prank war with him against his consent. 

Normally he would find the jokes funny, or at least appreciate the humor in them and get them both right back. But now, he just felt frustrated and ready to quit. 

He wanted to go home and sleep after having a nice meal and just enjoy the rainy day that was surely to be happening. 

Instead he once again faced the day ready to spend it in the crippling heat lightheaded as he went again on low to nothing for food. 

Andy had already told him he needed to eat more if he was going to continue. He had agreed and then hid the fact that most of his food was hidden as he pretended to eat more of it. 

It wasn't that he was such a picky person. On the contrary, he did like to try new things. But somehow, being here, in this place made it worse. 

He supposed he was a bit homesick and that combined with the heat and exhaustion didn't make a strange new food very appealing. 

He groaned internally at the prospect of having to spend the evening drinking with the other two presenters as he ignored any discomfort. 

Really, he thought, he should try to eat something. 

_______________ 

Jeremy had started to notice Richard's perpetually negative attitude. 

Usually when they were filming these things everyone involved had times when they were moody and would bicker, something they did their best to hide whilst on camera. It was part of the job, and it was inevitable that travel and work would catch up to you. 

However, this time it seemed different. 

Jeremy liked to think that he could decipher the youngest presenter's attitude fairly well. Richard could get angry, he was at the top of the list for it at times. But with his anger came fighting and yelling. Something loud and very in your face. 

Right now though, he was quiet and pensive. He was pouty and irritable and instead of flying off the handle with rage he just looked like he wanted to have a good cry. 

Jeremy wanted to press, the previous night when he and James sabotaged his bike... It would have been easy too. 

Jeremy was sure had he made fun of him for it the smaller man would have actually started crying and something about that seemed to rub him the wrong way. 

Had they gone too far? 

He thought about this trip. It had been stressful for everyone, they all seemed to be teetering on the edge, maybe there was something he was still missing. 

Tonight when they got to their inn Jeremy would set about to find out just what was wrong with their hamster. 

__________

Richard was quiet the rest of the miserable ride to their lodging for the night. 

He normally loved motorbikes, but with each passing bump on the dark road his headache grew and his attitude worsened. 

Thankfully the hotel they were booked at was of a nicer caliber than that of their previous night's stay. 

He hurriedly checked in and went straight up to his room. 

It was very well put together and he was sure had he not been so unwell he would have taken a moment to admire the view. Instead he ran into the bathroom and tried his best not to be sick. 

After a few minutes of shaky breathing, there was nothing to throw up, he stumbled to his bed and laid under the crisp covers, not even bothering to shower first. 

He knew it was partially because of not having eaten, but he felt so poorly he wasn't sure if he should call someone to let them know. But who would he call?

He felt so isolated here, Andy and the crew were busy trying to fix numerous technical issues as well as make up for the fact that each day was a several hour longer journey than they had planned.

But what hurt worse was the fact that James and Jeremy had teamed up and decided it fit to torment him… perhaps they liked seeing his angered reaction.

He hated that there was any sort of divide between him and Clarkson. He genuinely cared about what the older man thought about him and it just added frustration to think that Jeremy didn't like him too.

He stifled a sob as he felt a burning in his throat and tears prickling at his eyes. 

He wanted to be back in his country home with his dog's, the crisp morning air drifting through the old house as he read from a book after having eaten his breakfast. 

Richard couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He felt that perhaps he deserved to cry, that maybe afterwards he would feel better… that's what people said at least. 

He wasn't even sure what he was crying about. Hunger, stress, loneliness, exhaustion… he couldn't tell. 

At the moment though, he decided that rest would be best for him. Perhaps this way he could hide from the pain.

_________________ 

Jeremy watched as Richard made a quick exit to his room. He was worried about the younger man and at this point didn't care if he seemed overprotective, he needed to see what was the matter.

"What room was he in?" He asked Andy as he grabbed his bag. 

"Who, Hammond?" The other man said following Jeremy's gaze. 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded paper. "It's on here I think, let me check. Are you planning on talking some sense into him?" 

"About what? No, he's not been himself lately. I know it sounds crazy of me but I just wanted to make sure he was alright." Jeremy explained. 

"Look, I should have mentioned it but he said he was doing better…" Andy started hesitantly, looking a little guilty. 

Jeremy looked at his friend, shocked by what ye had to say. He felt horrible that he never even bothered to notice. 

Here Richard had been genuinely suffering and he had gone and been an utter bastard to him.

"I need to talk with him." Jeremy said, a knot twisting in his stomach. 

As soon as Andy found the number Jeremy was up the stairs in search of the youngest presenter.

He didn't get any response from knocking on the door. 

"Richard, open the door." He said firmly, he could feel his worry growing. 

"Richard, please open the door." Jeremy pleaded. His heart rate had, at this point, picked up rapidly. One million scenarios ran through his mind of what could have happened to his hamster.

Just as he was about to run back downstairs and cause a scene he heard the door rattle and then slowly it opened, revealing a very pale and shaky looking Richard. 

His eyes were rimmed red and a little watery. Jeremy wondered if perhaps he had been crying, the thought made him want to scoop up the younger man and apologize for how rotten he had been the past few weeks. 

"M sorry." The younger man mumbled. "I was trying to sleep." 

Richard brushed the hair out of his eyes and leaned against the door for support. The movement did not go unnoticed by Jeremy.

"I'm coming in, we need to talk." The older man stated.

Richard nodded, a solemn look on his face, and begrudgingly allowed Jeremy in. Not that he could have put up much of a fight, especially in the state he was. 

"Jez. I'm really not too well, please I want to sleep." Richard started, eyeing Jeremy as he sat on the foot of the bed. 

He always felt twitterpated whenever he was alone with the larger man… something he figured he could do without at the moment. 

"You can sleep when we've finished." Jeremy said, challenging the younger man to defy him. "Andy told me about how you've been struggling."

Richard looked away ashamed. 

He felt so stupid, dealing with a problem like this. Like he was being scolded by a parent for not eating his vegetables. 

However, he also knew that what he had was more serious than that. As he stood before Jeremy he could feel the weakness that was taking hold over his body. 

"It's not that bad." He tried to defend. 

"Rich, look at yourself. You're shaking and too thin, I can see it in your face." Jeremy said the words carefully, knowing if he said the wrong thing Richard could fly off the handle. 

He took the younger man's hand in his and pulled him to where he was standing between his legs. Gently he tilted Richard's chin up and looked him in the eye. 

"I'm worried about you hamster. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Richard didn't know what the tipping point was for him, what caused it to start, but the next thing he knew he was crying again. 

As the tears fell he muttered through, breathing unsteadily, everything that was upsetting him. 

"-and I don't want to make everyone have to stop filming because I was being 'picky'. I've tried. I really did try but I can't." He sobbed, now red in the face because Jeremy had seen him crying. 

To his surprise, the larger man pulled him close and held him against his chest. He shushed him quietly, trying to keep the tears from falling. 

"Richard, it's not your fault. Don't feel bad over this." Jeremy comforted, keeping his tone even and low. He needed to share some words with Andy. 

Although he was sure his friend didn't mean any harm by his exchange it was evident that Richard was stressing over the fact that if, for whatever reason he became ill, the special would be ruined. Which was obviously not the case.

"I'm positive this place has something you'll like, and after that and some good rest you'll be back to your normal self." Jeremy promised, taking Richard's arms and holding him back to look the younger man in the eye. 

Richard sniffled, biting his lip to hold back tears. Something about having Jeremy so close, promising him everything would be alright, made him believe that things could turn out for the best. 

"I'm sorry you had to see all of this." Richard guested to himself, feeling very exposed in front of Jeremy. 

"Hamster" Jeremy chuckled, not able to contain himself anymore. The other man was just too adorable, standing before him with a blush spread over his cherubic face. 

He leaned in, as though he was going to kiss Richard. But stopped short, catching himself. 

He knew he liked Richard, in a way he always had. But this could be a mistake. 

"I'll, uh, go and look for something to eat. Lay down and get some rest," Jeremy hastily said, standing up and walking to the door. 

"Okay…" Richard replied. He had a strange look on his face, perhaps confused, and got back onto the bed. 

Jeremy quickly made his leave and left in search of food. Once Richard had eaten he planned on talking with Willman. 

_____________

Richard sat on the bed thinking about what had just happened. 

He had cried in front of Jeremy, even worse he had cried ON him. He was still blushing at the thought that he had been so vulnerable in front of the older man. 

He groaned out loud and fell back against the pillows. Jeremy was right, he did need sleep. 

The bed was comfortable and sleep came easily, hopefully Jeremy would be back soon bringing with him something edible.

_____________

Jeremy had found some food he knew that Richard would eat, thankfully the hotel staff had been more than accommodating in aiding him in his mission. 

He stopped by the front desk and got a copy of the key for Richard's room, lying and saying that the younger man had lost his. Afterward, making his way back to his friend. 

He didn't want to startle the younger man and so knocked quietly to announce himself before turning the handle. The door opened quietly and Jeremy stepped back into the room. 

Immediately his eyes were drawn to the bed, wherein Richard lay, asleep and breathing steadily.

As Jeremy approached he noticed the tracks of tears over the smaller man's face. His lips were parted slightly and chapped, most likely from a lack of hydration. Nonetheless he slept soundly, snuggled against the blankets.

A part of him wished that Richard could stay sleeping longer, but he knew that the only way the younger man would get his strength back was for him to eat.

"Hey." Jeremy said softly, placing his hand on Richard's small shoulder. "I found something for you to eat."

Richard stirred after several gentle shakes. He blinked and stared somewhat dazed at his friend. 

"Oh, hi." Hammond said, a little startled and voice cracky. He eyed the plate on the table and almost cried in relief. Somehow, Jeremy had been able to procure a sandwich alongside some other familiar foods.

"Look, I'm sorry to wake you up but you need to eat." Jeremy said, gesturing to the food. 

Richard bit his lip and nodded bashfully, thankful that Jeremy hadn't made fun of him. 

The older man even went so far as to bring him the plate. 

"Eat all of it." Jeremy ordered, pulling up a chair to sit in and evidently watch to be sure Richard in fact ate it all.

The first bite was blissful, nothing short of fantastic. Richard even went so far as to hum gleefully from the taste of actual food. He didn't realize how hungry he had become. 

They sat together as he ate and Jeremy even apologized for the bike incident. After Richard was done with everything but some crisps he turned to look at the other man.

"Why are you being so nice all of the sudden?" He asked, suddenly curious as to the change in the presenters attitude.

"Because." Jeremy said matter of factly. "I may be rotten at times but I'm not without heart… and in any case. I like you." He finished diffidently. 

Richard looked on surprised. 

"No you don't. You can't stand me." He argued, thinking of all the times he had tried to get closer to the other man and failed.

"I think I know what I like." Jeremy scoffed. 

"Clearly not," Richard said definitely. "You never want to have anything to do with me."

"That's not true."Jeremy defended, feeling horrible that he ever came off that way. "I always want to do things with you but-" he stopped himself.

"But what?" Richard demanded, now thoroughly irritated. 

"I don't want things to get complicated…" He knew that explained nothing at all. "Look, Richard I really like you." He felt his heartbeat in his chest, readying himself for disgust, for a let down.

"You've said that." Richard looked on, still not understanding.

Jeremy shook his head. 

"God, you're an idiot sometimes." He sighed and then pulled the smaller man against him and Kissed him hard.

Richard gasped in surprise, and then again when his mouth was practically ravaged by the older man's tongue. 

"Mmmnn. Fuck…" The younger man gasped against Jeremy's lips, his breathing was heavy and heart beating fast.

Richard had no clue that Jeremy felt this way… not that he wasn't overjoyed at the prospect of being able to get to know the older man in such a way, but really he was still a little confused about everything that was going on. 

His lips followed, wanting even a moment more as Jeremy started to pull back. However the rational part of his brain told for him to hold off on pursuing the pleasure. 

"I don't understand…" Richard mumbled, almost to himself. His tired brain searched for a rational answer. 

He was left with only one. 

Jeremy did like him, in many ways more than he thought. The sudden possibility of his opening future was thrust before him in his minds eye. 

Suddenly he felt a wave of relief was over him, a breath he didn't realize he had been holding was let out. There was a weight that came off of his shoulders and he felt renewed. Like no other problem he was facing mattered.

Jeremy sat patiently as Richard collected his thought. 

He was still holding his breath, not entirely sure what the outcome of his admission would bring about. 

Richard had seemed receptive, very much so in fact. But still, a part of him wondered if perhaps he had just made a grave mistake. If he had put more than just himself at jeopardy.

"I'm sorry." He finally said, now embarrassed more than anything else. Perhaps one day they could laugh about the incident and think of it as nothing more than a distant memory… a dream.

"No… I mean, don't be." Richard finally said, finding his voice. "It was good, this was good." He awkwardly tapped his fingers over his knee.

"I don't really know what to do now." The younger man laughed awkwardly. He felt like a stupid schoolkid, blushing and so incredibly unsure.

"It was wrong of me to bring this up now." Jeremy admitted, feeling guilty as he looked at the tired and confused face of his friend… his, now he didn't even really know what to call Richard.

"We can talk about this more tomorrow, we have a day or two here; it'll be nice not to travel for once. I think you should get some rest now though." The older man suggested, running his fingers over Richard's smaller ones. 

Richard nodded, he did need rest. Already though he was feeling a little better, he figured that was the food. However he blamed the butterflies in his stomach on the man next to him. 

"I will," He promised. "But, I think I should shower first." He admitted, now realizing how dirty he had gotten on the road. 

"I'll leave you to it then." Jeremy winked, now feeling much more himself. He stood and turned to walk to the door, Richard followed close behind as the shower was close to the entrance. 

Grabbing the door handle, he almost didn't notice the soft thud behind him. Almost.

Jeremy turned and saw Richard on his knees, a hand on his brow. He looked troubled. 

"What happened?" Jeremy worried, rushing to the younger man's aide. 

"I'm not sure. A sudden dizzy spell I guess." He shrugged, trying to keep casual. 

"One that had you on the ground?" Jeremy scoffed. "I'm getting a doctor." He stated. 

"Please don't." Richard begged, starting to get up. "It's gone now I promise." 

"Richard, I can't leave you here alone after all of this." Jeremy gestured. 

"Then stay." Hammond supplied. "Stay here, I'll even leave the door unlocked while I'm washing up. I just, I don't want a doctor." He bit his lip hesitantly.

Jeremy considered the option. This way he would be sure that Richard wouldn't have any other accidents. It would also be an excuse to stay longer…

He shook away the thoughts. Richard wasn't well, he needed a professional opinion. However, Jeremy figured the younger man could use a shower and likely wouldn't take one with a doctor hovering nearby. 

He would wait until after Richard had finished. 

"I'll stay." Jeremy said, causing Richard to smile. It wasn't a lie, he did plan on staying for as long as he could.

Richard left the door ajar "just in case." he had said. 

Jeremy didn't want there to be an "in case" but appreciated the thoughtfulness all the same. 

Richard emerged, clean and slightly wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. 

Immediately, Jeremy noticed how skinny the younger man was. It was clear he hadn't been eating anything for some time. 

He wasn't bony, per say, but Jeremy could see the change. 

He was usually so fit, aglow with energy and radiating health. His petite body begging to be pinched, kissed, touched. 

Now however, he was thin and some muscle mass had been lost. At least it appeared that way. His skin was dull with the occasional bruise and he had shadows under his eyes.

"Richard, I know we've talked." Jeremy swallowed, "but I have to call you a doctor." He held his hand up wanting to continue.

"You're not yourself, and I'm sure you've got nowhere to go but up… but it would help me to feel better." Jeremy decided to put this on himself. "I just, I would sleep better knowing for sure you're alright."

Richard crossed his arms, defensive. He wanted to fight… to run… but where could he go? Where would he want to go? Jeremy was so worried. He knew he was fine, he figured having the doctor confirm it all would be alright. If only to make Jeremy feel better.

He nodded and gestured towards the phone. 

"I wouldn't know who to call." He admitted, sitting on the bed. 

Jeremy was happy for the small victory and quickly called for a doctor. He stepped out of the room to call Andy and appraise him of the information.

"I knew he wasn't great but I never suspected… he said he had been eating more." His friend said over the phone. "I'll be over in a few." 

"Don't. " Jeremy stopped him. "I think the less people the better. He seems sure that he is feeling better, I just need to know for myself." He admitted. 

"God you've got it bad." Andy chuckled. "But seriously, if anything changes let me know… the programme isn't worth anyone's life." 

"Tryst me, I will." Jeremy agreed. And then hung up.

Richard was laying down when he came back in. 

"Andy pissed?" He asked, not bothering to look over. 

"No. Just concerned." Jeremy reassured. He sat by the younger man's feet. 

"I'm just going to sleep until the doctor comes." Richard yawned. 

Jeremy looked on as the other man quickly faded into sleep.

The doctor came soon enough, and Jeremy let him into the room. He told the man what the story was and went over to rouse the slumbering Richard. 

Richard huffed at being woken, and then grumbled again some at having to answer the doctors seemingly endless question. 

Again he retold his side of things and explained himself. Towards the end his voice wavered and he realized, for the first time, how real the situation was. 

"No leaving this bed until you've had a good three meals, after that take it slow." The doctor instructed. 

He turned to Jeremy. "Make sure he eats regularly afterwards."

Jeremy nodded, feeling a bit like he'd inherited a new puppy and was being told by a parent to take care of it. 

He decided he could live with Richard being his responsibility. 

The doctor excused himself and Jeremy was once again alone with Richard. 

"I'm sorry." The younger man sighed, turning against the bedding and hiding his face. 

"Richard. Stop apologizing. We've gotten it taken care of." Jeremy reassured, placing a comforting hand on the younger man's back.

"But this was serious… I could have…" Richard stopped talking, he felt like a child crying about everything. Though he figured his lack of sleep wasn't really helping.

Jeremy didn't say anything. He slowly and experimentally got on the bed and lay down beside the smaller man, wrapping his arms around him and pulling his body against his own. Trying to bring comfort even without words. 

Richard felt his breath hitch at the contact and though he didn't on the outside, he smiled within when Jeremy's breath danced across his shoulder in an unspoken promise that everything would be okay.


End file.
